Louis and Tawny 5: Looking Back, Looking Ahead
by tdls
Summary: Louis and Tawny toward the end of high school, with college decisions about to come out. (Complete)
1. Chapter 1: The Day Before

Obvious disclaimer: I own no part of Even Stevens.

* * *

Louis and Tawny were seated on a park bench, just the two of them. They had been here so many times before, but this time, they could feel the uncertainty of how many times they would be there again. They were in the twilight of their high school careers, and tomorrow would be the day most of the college admissions decisions would come out. They had tried not to talk about it too much, but they knew how real the possibility of being separated by the crapshoot of college admissions was. They had felt the angst as strongly as ever in recent weeks, but they were determined not to let it cast a shadow, trying instead to savor each and every interaction to the fullest, appreciating the gift of the other's presence as much as ever.

Louis rested his head on Tawny's shoulder as they held hands, releasing the tension in his body, surrendering himself to her loving presence. He thought again about the path they had traveled together all these years. Tawny had truly blossomed into a top student in high school. She was the star of the drama club, the standout polyglot, the budding literary scholar, the tireless political activist. Louis, on the other hand, had finally begun to channel his quirky energies into achievements, winning awards at multiple science and engineering fairs. He had grown so much ever since he had been with Tawny, ever since her love – and their love for each other – had given his life the meaning that it had never had before. Ever since, Tawny and her love had inspired him to be the best that he could be, reaching heights that he previously thought unreachable. It was staggering to think how much of his life he owed to Tawny. In loving her so passionately and changing himself just to be closer to her, he had placed his life in her hands, in a way. And from there it had been able to take off into the sky and reach for the stars.

Louis thought again about tomorrow and what it might bring. They had talked about it less and less as the day got nearer, but they knew they both really, really wanted to go to Princeton, Louis to study engineering and Tawny comparative literature. It would be the perfect fit for both, not just in terms of being together, but in terms of what they both knew they wanted for themselves. Both considerations always seemed to coincide so perfectly, which, of course, wasn't just coincidence. But Louis knew how hard it would be this time to get what they both wanted. He couldn't bear to think about what would happen if she got in and he didn't, making her choose between him and her own dreams.

"Tawny," Louis said, breaking the silence. "What are you thinking?"

He could instinctively feel Tawny's affectionate smile even without seeing it. "I would go out on a limb and say it's the same thing you're thinking, Louis," she said. He knew that she said it sincerely. And he knew what he had to tell her, what he had to make sure she knew before tomorrow came.

Louis now lifted his head from Tawny's shoulder and faced her. "Tawny," he began. "There are just so many things I've been thinking about…" He paused as he looked deeply into her eyes. "You remember that day in eighth grade when you decided not to go to SACCY? I'll never forget that day, Tawny. I'll never forget the sacrifice you made just to be with me, instead of pursuing your dreams…"

Louis couldn't hold back the tears. Tawny took him in her arms and held him tightly. Her heart had sunk the moment he had mentioned SACCY. Normally, she looked back with nothing but fondness at the memory of that day, at the love she had felt for Louis, at how she knew she was making the right decision. But this time, she knew exactly what Louis was thinking the moment he mentioned it.

Louis now drew back and looked again at Tawny. "Tawny," he said. "Tomorrow, if a similar situation arises… I want you to make the decision for yourself, not for me. I won't let myself stand in your way a second time." His eyes were imploring her to take what he said to her to heart, even if it was what she didn't want to hear.

Tawny closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. When she opened them again, Louis could see in them an unusually reproachful look, the look she used to give him when he did something foolish. "You still don't understand, do you, Louis," she just said. There was an uncomfortably long pause as Louis could feel Tawny's words and her gaze cutting right through him.

Tawny continued. "Louis, do you think I would be where I am now without you being there? Without you and your love inspiring me to be the best that I could be, reaching heights that I previously thought unreachable? I made the decision for myself that day, Louis. And you were a part of me and a part of my dreams then, as you are now." The expression on Tawny's face had softened into an affectionate smile. But Louis just kept staring at her, transfixed. He felt a mixture of awe and shame, awe at the sheer depth of Tawny's love for him and shame at his inability to grasp it fully, even after all these years.

"Tawny, I…" He felt the need to let her know he understood. It had always followed this pattern – Louis being foolish, Tawny scolding him, Louis saying or doing the right thing in the end once he understood. "Forgive me, Tawny. It's just that I think so much about what a gift you are to me, that I sometimes forget what I am to you." Tawny smiled. It was the look that told him: That's what I've been waiting for you to understand. "When I first entered junior high, I couldn't have imagined I'd get even remotely close to where I am now. No one could have. I've proven so many people wrong along the way, including myself. And none of it would have been possible without you, Tawny."

Tawny was looking intently into Louis's eyes. "And every time you proved people wrong," she said, "every time you showed the best of what you can be, every time you reached new heights, you inspired me to reach them with you. You're an inseparable part of what I am, what I do, and what I aspire to, Louis. Don't you ever forget that."

Louis stopped to look into Tawny's eyes for longer than usual. The reminder of her boundless love for him over all these years unleashed so many thoughts from the recesses of his mind.

"Tawny," Louis said. "Sometimes I wish you didn't love me so much…" He lowered his eyes in shame at the thoughts he was revealing. "It's crazy, I know. But it's also crazy when you think about what it means to be so passionately in love with someone. It's like entrusting them with everything you have, placing your life in their hands." Louis looked back up and into Tawny's eyes, knowing she would understand. "And when I think about holding your life in my hands… I just feel so overwhelmed. But when I hear you telling me you wouldn't be where you are now without it… I feel even more overwhelmed."

Tawny smiled. "I trust you with my life in your hands, Louis," she said, her voice full of assurance. "And I know you trust me with your life in mine. That's why both our lives are so much richer as a result. It's why our love for each other sets us free instead of holding us down." Louis could feel Tawny's grip on his hand tighten, the bond between them feeling as unbreakable as ever. "All we have to do is keep trusting each other, Louis, as we always have."

Louis nodded, looking gratefully at Tawny. He thought again about all the times over the years she had helped him understand. This time, he knew that she had helped him understand one of the most precious truths that he could have in his possession.


	2. Chapter 2: The Day Of

Louis sat at his computer at 5pm the next day, his parents looking anxiously over his shoulders. He stoically went through the motions of opening up and logging into the site according to the instructions, doing what he could to keep out all the thoughts crowding into his head. His heart seemed to skip a beat as he clicked on the last remaining button.

Louis didn't react, though he could hear his parents screaming in the background. He just reached for the phone lying in front of him, went to drafts, selected one of the two pre-written messages, and sent it to Tawny. He then saw Tawny's message that had arrived in his inbox.

It was then that he knew. He buried his face in his arms and just cried. They were tears of joy, of joy so great that no other reaction could have done it justice.


	3. Chapter 3: The Day After

Louis and Tawny were seated on a park bench the next day. This time, the uncertainty was gone, the shadow lifted. They knew they would be here again as many times as they chose to, wherever in the world their path took them. The path that they would take together, hand in hand.

They sat in silence for longer than usual, staring into space in front of them, as if contemplating the path they had trodden up to then and the endless possibilities that lay on the path ahead of them.

"So we really made it, huh?" Tawny asked pensively, turning her head to face Louis.

Louis's eyes met Tawny's. "Yeah," was all he said.

They said nothing more. They just took in this moment in silence, a moment that they knew that no more words could do justice to.

* * *

The minutes and hours passed. The two companions had reached a milestone on their long journey and were taking a fittingly long pause on the roadside. Yet as the minutes and hours passed and the thoughts flowed, Louis couldn't resist the urge to let them out before it would already be time to begin the next part of the journey.

"Tawny," he said, breaking the silence. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Tawny was looking intently into Louis's eyes. Just say it, Louis, her eyes seemed to be telling him.

"Tawny," Louis said, pleadingly, though he knew he didn't have to plead with her. "I… I just want to be with you forever. It's the only thing I could still wish for."

Tawny was ready for it, as ready as ever. "I want it just as much, Louis," she said, her voice full of assurance. "All we have to do is take it one step at a time, as we always have. There's a long journey ahead of us." Tawny smiled as Louis could feel her grip on his hand tighten, the bond between them feeling as unbreakable as ever. "All we have to do is keep trusting each other, Louis, as we always have."

Louis nodded, letting Tawny's words just sink in. He knew that he trusted her. He trusted her with his life in her hands, as she did with her life in his. And that, ultimately, was all they needed to know as they set out on the rest of their journey. An endless horizon awaited them on the path that lay ahead.


End file.
